Bea Sandwich, anyone?

My generation is sometimes called the “Sandwich generation”, usually meaning middle-aged women who are taking care of children (usually teens) as well as elderly parent(s) or other relatives.

I thought I had escaped this particular role, but then I retired.  And, guess what happened?  Well, actually, both joys and challenges.

The challenging part includes overseeing the care of my 93-year-old mother, who lives 2,000 miles away in an excellent nursing home.  I never thought we’d be doing this, that she’d live independently her whole life until she died.  I find myself often shopping for her needs, and sending her packages and letters, and phone calls several times a week.  And, of course, I travel more frequently now to visit.  It does take a toll, and I didn’t plan for this for my retirement.  Looking back, that was very naive.

The joyous part is that my daughter is getting married, and to a certain extent I’m naturally part of the preparations and planning (and expense).  It’s wonderful to see my daughter in a happy relationship, living abroad in a country and place that she chose, to a man to obviously cares about her very much.  The wedding will take place soon in a tropical paradise, and it’s all a dream come true for her.  Naturally, I hope all the best for her and her new husband in the future.

As I’m writing this on Mother’s Day, I wish all the best to all moms out there, and a special shout-out to those who are “sandwich filling”.  Haha!

 

Love to all,

~B-

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“You’re So Quiet”

Boy, I used to hear that all the time, usually in a noisy group situation where I can’t make out any of the conversations going on around me.  I don’t think people realize that it sounds like a criticism, personal attack, puts the “quiet” person on the spot, and it is just plain rude.

I’ve looked up some responses to this, and they range from an equally rude “Well you’re so loud”, to just a smile and a shrug.

I’d like to educate people here, to all my more extroverted readers, that if you are concerned about a person being quiet, you might, instead of just blurting out this obvious observation, to try to just draw them into the conversation in a friendly manner.  If they are new to the group, ask them to introduce themselves.  If you already know them, ask what their thoughts are on the topic you were talking about.  Or, what have they been up to lately?  Read any good books?  You might get a better response.

  • Maybe they just couldn’t get a word in edgewise around a talkative group.
  • Maybe your conversation was limited to “insider” gossip and people they don’t know.
  • Maybe the topic of conversation was something they don’t know much about, and they were just listening intently to learn something. Or, they may have been bored.

And if you happen to be on the receiving end of this comment, here is an article that explains both sides of the coin, and probably the best I’ve found.  I plan to do some more exploring around this website, just for fun.  https://www.succeedsocially.com/youresoquiet

Mind you, it will be just for fun, and to see what it says.  I really don’t care much about “succeeding socially” anymore.  I’m retired. Ha!

~B-

*Btw,  If you are mystified by quiet people, you might give this video a look:

Aging Can Really Suck!

Watching my 93-year-old mother slowly decline has been truly difficult.  But, using my true nature, I’ve put a philosophical bent on it.

Maybe, just maybe, as we approach our final days, some of us (many of us) go through some kind of “Karmic purge”, a process that prepares us for final nirvana, or heaven, or whatever happens to us when we die.  We may experience a bit of hell before we get to heaven.wheel_2_lg

Our bodies fail us, they slow down, we don’t feel like eating and our bodies cannot absorb the nutrients we eat, anyway.  We get weak, and may not be able to walk anymore. We just lay in bed and wait… We won’t need our bodies anymore in the afterlife.

Our minds fail us.  We lose our short-term memory, and even our long-term memory.  We may not even know our family members.  If we were careful with money, we start to lose the ability and brain power to manage it. Managing all our earthly affairs becomes too overwhelming, and someone else has to take over. We start to forget everything in this life, since it won’t matter.

Fighting, wailing, and getting all upset about this process may just prolong it for you.  Just relax and breathe, connect with your higher power if you believe in one, and let go. “Resistance is futile.”

Old age is one of the four sufferings the Buddha named.  Birth, sickness, old age, and death… suffering we all go through, and if you go through the suffering of old age, consider yourself lucky.

If you happen to be watching a loved one go through this, my heart goes out to you. Please accept this virtual hug {}. And, take notes… you may be in this position one day.  Not all of us die suddenly from a massive heart attack.

Peace and love be with you… Namaste…

~B-

February 1, 2018 — A Dip But Still Going Up

Well, here I am again, trying to handle things for my poor elderly mother who now cannot get out of bed. The decline has been pretty fast, and I live 2,000 miles away. Inconvenient, to say the least. I’ll just have to share how I navigated through this at a later date.

Right now, even with the slide, most stock ETFs in our system that we track have parabolic rises on their charts.

Bonds have dropped, so they should be sold, as well as RWR if you haven’t already.

Until next time, good luck and happy trading.

~B-

Of Beginnings and Endings

What a stage of life I’m in!  Just full of beginnings and endings, which are totally occupying my mind right now.

On the “endings” side, my mother, in her early 90s, is physically deteriorating, slowly.  She was very stubborn and obstinate about hiring in-home care and insisted for several months that she could do everything herself, that she would get better.  I’m learning that this is not usually the case.  When you get on in years, it’s usually downhill, and it can be a slippery slope.  One step forward, two steps back.  Finally, after ___# falls (I lost count), and ___# hospital visits, and 2 rehab stays, Mom finally gave in, and has hired 24/7 in-home care.  What a relief!  I call her at least 3-4 times a week, and she’s usually in pretty good spirits.  Finally!

 

On the “beginnings” side, my daughter is busily planning her wedding, and she is going all out. She is marrying the love of her life, a very nice Aussie man, whom I’m looking forward to meeting. It will be a small wedding, but extravagant, and classy.  It will be in her favorite tropical location, and the happy couple will live in Australia.  Right now, I’m just looking forward to my “mother of the bride” role.  Gosh, I’ll have to find a dress!!

So much life… so little time!

‘Til my next financial/stock market post…

~B-

Care-giving for the Elderly

I just don’t understand it…  I spent about 3 weeks helping my 93-year-old mother recover from a bad fall where she broke four ribs.  I was glad to go and do it, even though it meant leaving my own home and hubby for a long time and putting up with an almost constant, depressing, attitude from her.  I was OK with helping with cooking, light housekeeping and chores, but the constant whining and complaints definitely wore me down.

I’m not cut out for this.

Don’t me wrong, my mother deeply appreciated what I did for her, and she recovered quite nicely, in my opinion.  She graduated from using a walker, to a cane, to using nothing at all, took a shower on her own, and even did some light chores like gathering up the garbage.  She has wonderful resources, like neighbors eager to help anytime, and the financial capability to hire help around the house, if needed, when it gets too much. She can even drive short distances, within a 1-2 mile radius, to places like the doctor, beauty parlor (a great spirit booster), grocery shopping, etc. in familiar territory. It takes her a long time to get dressed and get ready to go anywhere, but she does it.

But instead of being happy with her improvement and her abilities, she chooses to whine and complain about what she can’t do, how exhausted she is, how overwhelmed she is with everything, on and on.

And I don’t understand. I have never been 93.  And, I believe I’m of a different personality type who sees the positive. I just hope I can maintain that, as I age myself.

If anyone wants to share experiences with caring for an older parent, let’s talk…

All the best,

~B-

Family History – Should I Have Opened This Door?

A cousin I met once – and on his family tree claims my father as his father. Is he my cousin or my brother? I sent a message, and no response, so I may never know for sure.

A great-grandfather who leveraged/borrowed too much, ended up broke, and abandoned his family for at least 5 years. He later ended up divorced, broke and alone.

Distant cousins from the past who were arrested numerous times for inciting riots. Over what, nothing says.

I once had a college roommate who told me she hated people who knew their family history, because they thought they were better than everyone else. If she knew mine, maybe it would have changed her mind. LOL!

It is all very interesting, though, and it is history. Your family history is a tiny part of mega-history, and we could all stand to learn from it. The great-grandfather I mentioned above made decisions that affected his adult children (my grandparents), as well as my parents, and their attitudes toward many things, which in turn, affected how I grew up.

So, go ahead, explore your past, take “the red pill” to coin a phrase from “The Matrix”, and take what you need from it. There’s a lot out there on places like Ancestry.com and MyHeritage.com. You might be surprised at what you might find. And, if you have the means, get the DNA test done. There are surprises there, too.